Sunday, April 25, 2010

mornings & dreams. i love weheartit.

we heart it is the BEST ever! sometimes when i am feeling in a mood. i will just look it up. mornings & dreams.

and the one that is CONSTANTLY me...

Friday, April 23, 2010

less than three. more. much more.

just a note for myself.

love more.
being vulnerable is okay.
love more.
being hurt is going to happen.
love more.
its worth it.
find out why.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

i give myself away

when i was twelve. i had such plans for my life. it was always something revolving around being married. a mom. being involved in ever aspect of my family. living in california. loving california.

im now twenty six. all to close to thirty. and not in the place that i thought i would be when i was twelve. and i thinking about why. why havent i reached that place. why are thoes things  not overly important to me. sure i think about them often. but they arent what makes me tick. they arent what i live for.

i cant get this song out of my head. it has been playing over and over in my head. there is a reason that MY plans havent come to play. because my life is not my own. the second verse of this song says "All my dreams all my plans Lord I place them in your hands" and thats the exact reason that my plans havent come. my timing isnt perfect. sometimes i need to remember that there is a bigger plan that what i see.


I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Verse 1:
Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I’m longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
I give myself away

Verse 2:
Take my heart
Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands

My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

9 things count down.

so i didnt get to the inspiration post. but i did get to the 9 things count down that Kellie posted earlier last week. :)

Nine things you wish you could say to nine different people:
1- a year from now you are going to wish you would have started today. and a year from now, she is going to wish you had started today. everyone that loves you is going to wish you had started today.
2- i wish that you were happier.  and that i didn't have to feel the responsibility to make you happy.
3- i wish you were better to my mother. i wish that you wouldn't have ruined the relationship between all of us. i do blame you. but i have also forgiven you. and you don't even know. one day you will regret that you kept her away by being a jerk. and i won't want to hear it.
4-you are a good guy. with a good heart. if you would stop blocking it off. and be a bit vulnerable instead of being a jerk. you might get the girl you deserve as well as the one you love. i pray that you will be able to do that before whoever she is gets tired of waiting. you deserve to be happy. you are honestly a good person.
5- thank you for coming here when you felt led. i don't know where i would be if things had been different. thank you for giving me the chance that others didn't think i deserved.
6- i have lost every ounce of respect for you. you make me sick. i can't stand to talk to you let alone look at you. you will NEVER get respect from the people that you believe you deserve it from acting like you do. life is not about you and your children. i don't think i have ever met a more selfish person that does so much. or looks as if she does so much. but i really wonder if you do everything for YOUR glory or His.
7- you are an idiot. plain and simple.
8- i love you. for everything you are. and everything you're not.
9- thank you.

Eight things about yourself:
1 -  i wish that i was twenty six and at the place i thought i would be when i was twelve.
2 - i love my family. even though i don't like them all the time. i always love them. and would fight to the death for each of them.
3 -i am still afraid of the dark.
4 -i have the attention span of a 2 year old. oh look... shiny things.
5 -when i was in high school. i signed every note. and the one i didn't sign. i got in trouble for forging my mom's signature.
6 -i know every line in dirty dancing & pretty woman & the man.
7 - i am overly happy to be in oregon. this is where my heart is.
8 - i am constantly day dreaming. always.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot:
1 - if the direction my life is heading is the right one.
2 - my future.
3 - where certain people belong in certain parts of my future.
4 - money.
5 - my nephews & nieces.
6 - my momma. how she is REALLY doing.
7 - him.

Six things you wish you never did:
1 - showed some people a different way of life. that they eventually took to far.
2 -pointing out that my dad wasn't supporting us while he was sick.
3- skipped school so much.
4 -fought constantly with my father.
5- allowed distance to come between us.
6- gave up.

Five Things You Always Have W/You:
1- cell phone.
2- burts bees.
3- camera.
4- tissue.
5- journal.

Four Bad Habits:
1- gossiping.
2- over thinking situations.
3- interrupting.
4- biting my nails.

Three Favorite Memories:
1 - my grandpa. sundays after church with him were the best.
2 - billie ray cyrus concert. my mom and dad surprised me. black jeans. black boots. purple fringe shirt. a mullet to match.
3 - road trip. california.

Two things you want to do before you die...
1 - be 175.
2 - be happy.

One Confession:
1- sometimes i don't see the change in me that everyone else has seen.

now to just finish packing..... 

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

inspiration. or not.

its been so long since ive blogged.
which suprises me because i am on this thing EVERY DAY!
reading all of my favorite blogs.
it doesnt feel like its been THAT long!

tomorow i am going head back to my FAVORITE place again.
Ill be back on sunday!

last week kellie sent some folks an email asking for personal interviews that she can do on her blog. i was super excited to fill it out and add all the things about me. (that comment sounded really 'self-involved' but thats now how it was intended). one of the questions was about inspiration. and man. i dont honestly remember how i answered it. but it was the VERY last question that i answered.

what inspires me?

its sad that i have NO clue. and that is being overly honest!

i have made up my mind to start an inspiration journal. to keep with me. to write down things that inspire me. i love little things.  colors. music. websites. words.

when i look at weheartit i always feel inspired.

after you feel inspired. where does it go after that.
theres my struggle i think.

tonight after i pack i am going to
try and write down some things that inspire me.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

weekend. a bit late.

brianna sent me a text asking
"when is the party coming home"


my weekend has flown by.
some of it faster than i wanted it to.
some of it wouldnt go by fast enough.
some of it was super fun.
some of it wasnt what i expected.
some of it exceeded my expectations.
some of it a dissapointment.

i must say though.
my pastor is VERY correct.
California does look better in the rear view mirror!

i flew to sacramento airport.
got my rental car.
drove to see my cousins.
robin and chris.

 we got manis & pedis.
had lunch at black bear.
i love her.
she is the bestest.
i went there for easter lunch.
we watched the blind side.
i cried like a baby!
being with them is SO comfortable.
i love it!

i spent most of the weekend with Vivi.
i forgot just how much i really do miss her!
she is a great girl.
with an AMAZING family.

we visited friends together.
went to wimpys.
played uno in bed.
went to the spa.
went to church.
went to another church.
dyed eggs.
went to the farmers market.
ate a peach pie.
went to a place that makes tshirts.
three times.
went to the mall.
went to target and walmart more than we should have.
went to the party.

caught up.
i love that girl.
she is an awesome person.
and i thank her SO much for hanging out.

vivianna & i playing UNO in bed.
we were lazy bums!
she made fun cuz i didnt have my glasses on.
and i couldnt see the cards. lol.

vivi & jayden (her son) coloring eggs.
such a good mommy!

jose (vivs husband) and ava (her daughter).
this baby has the same attitude as vivi does!
lol. i love it!

pretty eggs!

its the place my momma and dad met.
she loved his chest hair. *gag*
he came in and ordered burgers.
they hit it off.
watch out! :)
yummy burger & their special fries.
super yum!
if i didnt know what was on the inside.
i would never go here.
just because it looks creep from the outside.
i swear they havent repainted since i was there last.
six years ago.

we visited her mommy.
sister michelle.
she is the most awesome annointed lady.
i love her.
and want her in portland!

we visited winnie.
friday night.
and the poor meal was laying there.
getting ready to be cooked.
super yummy!

this baby is the sole reason i even went to cali.
so adorable.
Julie Armani Rose.
they gave her a piece of cake.
so cute.

we visited marjorie.
i miss her too!
more than i ever knew!

i went to Abundat Life Center.
for easter morning church.
they did the messiah.
so many memories.
i knew like no one there.
its defanitly NOT home anymore.

i took pictures of random places.
that bring back memories.
me and my brother would both order.
2 tacos, rice & beans.
id always get jello.

the house my momma grew up in.
the house i grew up being around.
it looks much different now.
but it still brings back soooo many memories.

i just like how this pic came out.
we would always walk here.
and get suckers.
the tootsie pop ones.
that had the indian shooting the star.

this would only really bring any memories to my family.
playing the letter game.
we would have to get close to clovis before ever finding
thank goodness for QUINN!

on the way back home.
i couldnt WAIT to get home.
back to my life.
back to normal.
back to portland.

i missed you whilst i was gone.

i am back.
and oh so happy.
im glad i went.
i got to hang out with viv and my cousins.
that was enough for me.

a few things were harder than i thought they would be.
a few were easier.

for brianna.
the party has returned.
oh yeah.