Saturday, December 12, 2009


This video BLESSES me!


Friday, December 11, 2009

i miss them in the future.

i got a text from someone today that said:

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did,
who wont anymore, and who always will. So, dont worry about people from your
past, there is a reason why they didnt make it to your future.

when i read that i was just saddened. i know many a person that i would have loved to see make it to where i am now. to know me as who i am now. but for whatever reason, they are not part of me now. people that i thought would be there forever are just a distant memory. i miss some of the folks like woah.

i am HORRIBLE at keeping in touch with people that are not in my immediate life! that shouldnt be! i forget to take time to call, or text, or write, or email... i just forget. and then the slipping happens. and that person that used to be close. just fades...

i need to make a more constant effort at keeping in touch! thats my new years resolution! :)

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

um. :)

i dont feel the need to go into the bullets on my last post. its been to long to rehash them. i dont even know if i can make sense of them now.

im really sleepy today. i need to get some more rest. especially if imma be driving the entire way there and back to cali soon. im getting excited to go. very excited. three friends. suv. music. fun. and a camera! :) there WILL be pics posted. for sure! it will be me. mare. and mk.

and that brings me to the next player.
mary katherine. katie. kate. kt. kiki the barking bimbo. i think thats pleanty. she is crazy! but i have the BEST movie nights with her! we have good times! and the awesomest inside jokes. 'wine tasting'! haha. we also coach quizzing together! its fun! i am the mean one and she is the nice one! we have a good balance! and we always have fun behind the kids! i can always rely on katie to hear me out. i can talk and she can put things into perspective that i dont usually see. she also has one of the best families in the WORLD! they are simply amazing! katie has been a player in my game for some time, and is becoming a bigger one daily.

okay moving on! we are supposed to be driving there on the 18th and then come home on the 20th. its craziness! we know! i pray that the weather holds out and that we can get there and back safe! :)

tonight we went to the higgins (kates) house and prepared baskets that the youth are supposed to take caroling tomorrow. it was a fun time of just girl talk! it was everything from spiders, to extremely large pads and tampons, to vomit, to kids, to the places we sleep. it was so much fun!

here are some photos.
The Group.
The Olive, Kate, Sis Higgins.
Jenny, Rosie, Momma, Alexandria, Emily

Sister Higgins doin the bows.
A bit blurry, bur Jenny & the cookies.
The finished product & Al.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

i need to blog.

There are some things that I need to blog about but do not have enough time to do it now. So I will make bullets and expand on them later.

  • The drama.
  • 'I need a ciggerette"
  • My friends and family. I can. No one else can.


Thursday, December 3, 2009

unfocused rambles.

Today I wish that I could say that I had any sort of focus at all! My brain is gone! MIA! I couldnt get out of bed this morning to save my poor soul. I left late to work, but arrived right on time (Thank You Jesus). Only to remember that I forgot half of everything I needed today! It didnt seem to get better as the day progressed. At lunch I was sitting and talking to Yenni about how many tardies and absences I have. When I look down and I am 10 minutes LATE from lunch! Really? Yes! Really! That happened! If you find my brain. Please let me know! Im having withdrawals. Just sayin'.

I cannot even explain the excitement that I have on going to California. But the definite hesitation that I have as well. Its difficult to put into words, I am trying to, but it seems like everything I type completely contradicts the other. So, I am not going to even try.

I think that this year has been crazy! I am very thankful that its almost over! Its crazy how so much can change, but how much we dont notice the change. Or at least I dont! I notice things like my new apartment, and my mom being laid off. But the friends that I let slip away were gone before I even batted an eye. The thoughts that I had and dreams that I dreamed, kinda went with the wind. I dont know when it happened, but it did. I wonder sometimes when was the moment that those things that I once held dear started slipping away without my notice. I like to think that I am a very observant person. Id like to think that I would notice. Was it a missed phone call? Was it a funny look? Was it because we didnt have time? Why? Change happens all the time. But it seems as if I dont notice it until its completed.

Tonight we had service with Bro Staten. Hes from the DC area and hes a soul winner like no other! I am amazed on the stories that he had. But Im so amazed on the passion that poured from him. At first I thought it was going to be just another Abundant Supply Conf. But it was much more. It defiantly lived up to its new name. Oregon Revival & Evangelism Conference. Brother Statens passion was more than a just passion. It was like it was tangible. Like it was reachable. He put his thoughts so plain! And it was easy for me to latch on to that passion while he preached.

It was a beautiful thing for me to look around and see a building full of people laughing and talking after church was pretty much dismissed. Not even caring about what else is happening in the same room. Less than a foot away from some people there were youth praying. 'My' youth. AWaCks! I couldnt help but have a small bit of pride knowing that 'my' youth were seeking out God. I looked around as we sat there, some of us with far away looks in our eyes. Some of us were kneeling at the alter. Some of us were crying out. Some of us were just silent, not able to speak because we would ruin that connection.

It may seem prideful, but thats not at all how its intended. But being an AWaCk is a way of life. Its being the first in the alter and the last out. Its knowing when Gods anointing is falling and being sensitive to it. Its being able to have our differences, but always having each others back. Its about so many other things. I dont know if it at all makes sense to folks. But its a beautiful thing to me! I am so thankful.


Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Players... 2bcont.

I have recently begun to think of life as a sort of game. I only have one life to life. I have only one goal at the very end and it has nothing to do with capturing the prince charming. It is making heaven my home. I am determined to win this one!

And because its hard to imagine a game without players. I will be slowly introducing the players of my life. Many of them I couldnt get by without. Many of them I most definatly could get by without. You will have to decide thoes folks for yourself.

The Momma

One that I am MOST certain that I couldnt get by without is Momma. Sometimes the lady drives me insane, and sometimes I feel more like the momma, than the child. But my momma is amazing. I love her. She is one of the main players in this game. I can always count on her to listen, even when I am being COMPLETELY ridiculous! She always has something insane to say or something that she is thinking about. She has not always had it easy, and even when she didnt want to survive... She did. Sometimes I take her for granted but at the end of the day, she is my most loyal fan! I love her more than words could ever say! She is my momma!

Cinderella Cinderella... Cinder-not... Cinder-block... well whatever. Mary is the next player in the game. She is usually there when Im going to explode on someone! She talks me out of breaking peoples faces on a regular basis. haha. jk. She is one of my best friends and should be a write off on my taxes! I am thankful for Mary because although Im not your normal UPC girl, she doesnt judge. Even when I am vulgar or inappropriate or just plain rude. She just quietly nods and smiles, and still doesnt judge. For that I am thankful! *insert inside joke here* God Bless Cindy, God Bless Sarah & God Bless Mare *end joke* We have good times and many stories will involve her. I must say that I am most thankful for her in the holiday season. Let the Christmas Light Grading begin!

AWaCks While they are not all here, and some of these are gone. AWaCks are my youth group. But it really just isnt a group of people. It is a way of life. Being an AWaCk is special. This group has its faults and failures, but at the end of the day they are home. AWaCks do everything loud. We are always the life of the party. Some of us havent grown up, some of us never will. Some of us even though we grow up and leave, will always be an AWaCk at heart. This group of people, this life style is so amazing. They are a big part of the game. To be honest, I dont know who I would be without them! I love that I can say that Imma AWaCk!


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

opening day.

Many may think that this would be an odd photo to chose for the opening of a blog. I do! But I feel that it represents chaos! Hair all wild, moving my head right when the camera clicks, the laughter that happened after. I couldnt focus. I usually cant focus.

I would describe myself as contently chaotic. and I love it. I love the life that I lead. I love the quirks that I have. While it may not be ideal for some. I love it.

Many people have told me that I need to start a blog. I have a blog, but not many that EVERYONE and their momma can read. Some posts will be personal. Some I will put in the title not to read if easily offended. I tend to offend :) and for that I make no apologies! Read on, or dont. You decide. Some will be just photos.

I might forget this blog, and it might become my best friend. We shall see.